Rogers. The Crappiest and Least-Reliable Internet. Period.

It appears Rogers Communications has informally teamed with Microsoft to bring us their custom brand of what can only be described as “Total Crap” or TC! Some go so far as to call it pure Cyber-Terror.

This is not the kind of turban-fear-mongering terror on Fox News. It implements an even simpler doctrine, known as the Money Vacuum Effect, in which not only is your money sucked away, but apparently so are your brains.

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If you’ve been a customer of Rogers, you know how it works. They dangle a cheap-as-free phone in front of you, or offer you a discount if you “bundle” all your phones, TV and internet together. Then the Money Vacuum Effect begins. For a while this is OK, because of the “free” cell phone, or 15% discount on your Rogers “bundle” or whatever they throw at your feet.

However, sure as shit, the second stage of the Money Vacuum Effect kicks in without fail. Suddenly, your invoice looks more complicated than you imagined it would. You may ask, -“What the fuck are all these charges? What do they mean?”

-“Why am I being charged to receive this invoice?”

-“What is an Administrative Comedy Bonus charge, and why is it more than my car cost?”

-“What the crap happened? Why Lord WHY?”

"My husband promised he'd go down to the Rogers head office today."

Say you have an issue on your invoice with a new $14.79 charge for something called “Collapse of Quality”.

Sure, you can call Customer Service (if you can find the number…you won’t be finding it on their website though.) But guaranteed, whatever problem has occurred is YOUR fault, and after arguing about it for a while we hang up the phone feeling broken and used…and the next month your bill has even more strange charges you’ve never heard of.

But you know what? We shut the fuck up and pay it. Because we’re docile and compliant because we’re Canadians.

…and here’s the best part…

There’s NOTHING you can do about it anyway.

And don’t kid yourself! You’re not switching companies. At least with the company you’re with, you KNOW how much anal lube you’ll need when your invoice arrives in the mail next month. If you switch to another company, who knows? Plus, the people on their ads look happy…maybe things will get better.

When I was a kid, Rogers had a Mr. in front of it. Look at this guy. He had real gonads, not like the spineless corporate thieves of today. You want to steal 20 million dollars for your cause? Do it the way this guy did...the honest way.

BTW…this is pretty interesting, albeit old news… http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/press/1999/jul99/RogersCommPR.mspx

And also…

http://www.encyclopediecanadienne.ca/index.cfm?PgNm=TCE&Params=M1ARTM0011992